Numb and Number

Numb and Number

April 30, 2007, 1:16 am
Filed under: Gregg Olsen, Killer Year Members

I’ve been thinking a lot about crime news and the state of the world these days. Since it is the weekend, and I should be weeding the garden or working on the new book, I’m avoiding both.

A few things that are rattling around my mind…

I’m stilling trying to wrap my brain around about Virginia Tech and the tragedy that happened there – and how I feel about it. Of course, it was a huge tragedy. But something strange happened to me this time, a few days after the news broke that 33, including the gunman were dead. I accepted it. The massacre didn’t resonate with me the way that Columbine did. Or the September 11th attacks. Or even the Amish school shooting. The pain spike I felt was swift, but abrupt. The Columbine case stunned me for weeks, maybe months.

Even now.

But Virginia Tech? Not so much. I’m being honest here. Some have said, “Well, you don’t feel connected in some personal way.”  Maybe. With Columbine, my girls were in public school, so I felt that more, I guess. But now they both are 22 and at different universities. So, you’d think I’d feel some real connection. I did call them both the morning the news broke, but simply reminded them that they had to be vigilant when taking a seat in a classroom (sit by the door, near an exit….don’t draw attention to yourself…). That was it.

I saw the shooter’s vile videos. I read all the news accounts. But if you asked me how to spell his name, I couldn’t do it without a Google search. He’s a nut. Let’s move on. Learn from it? Jeesh, what we learn is that we’re not going to be able to protect each other when a nutcase enters the equation. That’s it.

In away, I wonder if my own numbness (not indifference, because I “get” the magnitude of what happened) is an acceptance of unthinkable violence as a cost of living today?

The Alec Baldwin flap? What do I really think? Nothing. I don’t care. My parents probably called me worse names. I’ve said things to my own children that I wish I could reel back. Hasn’t everyone? Baldwin is in a toxic custody battle, like thousands of others. Why does he go on The View to apologize and the guy down the road who slaps his kid around isn’t held up to any public ridicule? Why do we give a rip about any of these people because they have a TV show?

Don Imus? Double Jeesh. I never listened to him. His joke the women’s basketball team was lame. I can’t deny that those young women didn’t deserve the remark. It was mean-spirited and cruel. But I do wonder why is it OK for fat bald white guys to be held up as a joke? (Full disclosure this blog entry is written by a fat bald white guy). Why are we so selective in our targets for justice? Why do we keep seeing the same faces over and over telling us what should be in our hearts?

I’m feeling like I’m being told how to feel, how to parent, how to do this or that, that I can’t even care anymore.

Thanks for listening. Off to do my weeding. It’s a beautiful day.

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