So my novel, THE BLADE ITSELF, comes out on Tuesday. And I don’t mean to be self-aggrandizing, but it’s my first book, so I thought today I’d just throw a quick post to share how it feels.
In a word? Weird.
I signed my deal in October of 2005. That’s roughly 15 months of anticipation. My mom will tell you I used to go spastic over Christmas when I was a kid, and the longest I ever had to wait for that was 12 months. Another three and my head would have exploded.
And yet now the long-imagined hour is finally approaching. And you know what’s funny? The closer to real it gets, the more surreal it seems.
Like most of us, I always saw bookstores as holy ground. I spent my school days tuning out teachers so I could surreptitiously devour science fiction novels. The first time I went to watch an author read, I half expected he would have a Charlton Heston halo. These myths are strong in me, and the idea that something I wrote, one keystroke at a time, could become a physical book, something that other people can buy and read and hopefully enjoy, well, it’s hard to wrap my head around.
And then there’s all the stuff that goes with it. Press and reviews, for instance. I’ve been very fortunate on that front — my publicists kick ass, and they managed to get the book in front of a lot of people.
But let me tell you, it feels mightily odd to open the New York Times and see a picture of me looking back at me. Wonderful, of course. But odd.
Why? I think because in truth, I still don’t really get that this thing I wrote is out there. That it is about to be released into the world, where it’s going to have to live on its own. No more corrections, no more twiddling, no more trying to crank the tension another notch. To quote Swingers, It’s all grows-ed up.
I don’t have children. But I bet I feel a lot like a parent watching their kid board the school bus for the first time. Pride and trepidation and fear and hope and a sense of mortality and a sweet surging joy, all at once.
It’s a heady cocktail. But I feel so fortunate to be able to drink of it.
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