Killer Year–The Class of 2007

Things I Worry About As I Wait For My Book To Be Published
November 4, 2006, 11:17 am
Filed under: Killer Year Members, Marc Lecard

Things I Worry About As I Wait For My Book To Be Published

When I finished my book I experienced a tremendous feeling of accomplishment. I had actually done something, finished something! Then I found an agent: more feelings of accomplishment. He sold the book: tremendous feelings, etc.

The manuscript was shipped off to New York. Then long periods of waiting began, during which I began to doubt that I had actually sold the book. Before long I began to wonder whether I had actually written it.

From time to time the manuscript would arrive in the mail, back from my editor, demanding intense spasms of revision or proofreading. This kept me more or less in touch with reality.

Now, finally, it’s done. But there is still some time to go before the book actually comes out. A lot of time.

Now the real waiting begins. With nothing to distract me, I’ve been worrying about what might happen, or not happen, when the book finally appears. I worry a lot.

I worry:

–that people will hate the book. They will line up outside my house, waiting to tell me how much.

— that the next Global Depression will begin on the day my book is published. No one will buy it. Instead, people will steal it, and use it for firewood.

— that the entire book, word for word, exactly as I wrote it, has already been written by a famous author. Somehow I have never read this book or heard of it, but no one will believe me. I will be accused of both plagiarism and impersonation, and jailed.

— as above, but substituting “roomful of monkeys” for “famous author.”

–that the Italian American Anti Defamation League, the Irish American Mafia, and the Croatian American Protection Society will be deeply offended by the characters in the book, and will form a coalition to have me assassinated.

–that the book will go out of print in six months in the United States, but be published in a pirate edition in Burkina Faso, where it has an enormous success. I earn no royalties, but am famous in Ouagadogou.

–that, hungry for fame, I go to Burkina Faso on my own nickel. But when I get there no one has ever heard of me. No one knows what I’m talking about. It turns out to be a misunderstanding, a translation problem: the book everyone is reading in Burkina Faso is about a man who has invented a simple, easily constructed small shelter useful for storing tools: Vinnie’s Shed.

–that due to printer’s error, the book is marked to be shelved as a “memoir.” It has an enormous initial success, but when people find out it is actually fiction, they are very angry. Oprah slaps me and spits on me on national television.

–that my mother will make the mistake of showing it to the Baptist Seniors Reading Club in her assisted living center in Texas, causing a riot that lasts three days and destroys several buildings.

–that no one will buy it. Not one person.

Marc Lecard

VINNIE’S HEAD St. Martin’s Minotaur March 2007


5 Comments so far
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I just popped by your website and read your first chapter. I’m predicting that you have nothing to worry about. 🙂 Good luck!

Comment by spyscribbler

I worry about the apocalypse, to be honest… Rutgers is Good… The Red Sox won the World Series not too long ago… and soon I’ll have a novel out…

Comment by Dave White

Apocolypse Now — Killer Year Unites. Yep, that’s about right…
Great, Marc. Excellent neuroses. : )The creativity therein should assure you everything will be fine.

Comment by JT Ellison

You’ve got a great sense of humor, Marc, so that will help you with the anxiety-laden part of all of this. But…on a serious note:

Enjoy the hell out of this time! There will never be another time like it in your career — probably never another time like it in your life. You’ve succeeded. You’ve made it over the wall. Revel in that!

I’m always saddened when I see authors who have accomplished what others only dream of — indeed, what they themselves long dreamed of — only to spend what should be one of the best times of their lives fearful, bitter, or resentful.

Anxiety is natural under these circumstances, but be ready to spread your wings all the same.

I wish you all the best.

Comment by Jan Burke

Oh my god, I thought I was the only one who worried about this stuff. I’ve obsessed over every single one of these–except maybe the one about the Croatian mafia. I’m pretty sure I’m safe from them.

Is there a support group we should join? Actually, there IS–and it’s called Killer Year.

Comment by patry

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